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<title>your love is too much (never let me go) by park97</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27905839">your love is too much (never let me go)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/park97/pseuds/park97'>park97</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FTM Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma Needs a Hug, M/M, Short One Shot, Trans Kozume Kenma, actually beta read for once, because I said so, hinata is a little ball of sunshine, transphobic parents yikes, why is that not a tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:20:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>608</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27905839</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/park97/pseuds/park97</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kenma is glass, a fragile shell of who he used to be, and perhaps Shoyo will be the hammer or careless kid who breaks him."</p>
<p>Or, Kenma may have problems but Shoyo is more than happy to help him through every single one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>your love is too much (never let me go)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <b>TW: transphobia, self-deprecating thoughts. if this makes you uncomfortable, read at ur own risk!!</b>
</p>
<p>THANK YOU TO MY WONDERFUL FRIEND, @hobisunshiness , WHO AGREED TO BETA FOR ME!! i love you, ur the best, thank you so much! &lt;333</p>
<p>i hope you enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kenma is glass, a fragile shell of who he used to be, and perhaps Shoyo will be the hammer or the careless kid who breaks him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If his fate is to be broken down and thrown away by Shoyo, so be it. It would certainly be painful- to be hurt and to be tossed out by the one he holds the dearest to his heart- but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserves</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. He deserves to be shattered, disfigured into simply the suggestion of a human. He deserves to die the most painful death as the ones he once trusted watch and laugh.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He deserves...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shoyo shakes him out of his paranoid thoughts with a hug. Kenma doesn’t usually like physical affection, but Shoyo’s hugs feel like a slice of home, warm and comforting.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shoyo breaks the hug to look Kenma in the eyes, concern flickering across his features. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“…Nothing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He can’t tell Shoyo this, can’t tell anyone how he truly feels, because if he’s ever truly honest, people will look down on him with scorn. They’ll throw him away because he’s too broken to be beautiful anymore, too disfigured to ever want.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>-</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you just be normal?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Now you’re going around saying you’re a guy, how much do you want to disgrace this family? You’re a girl, plain and simple. You were born a girl, you’ve lived as a girl, and you will die a girl.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But he’s not a girl, he’s never been a girl. He can’t be a real girl because he never was, and he wishes they’d just see this, just look at him for once and accept him as he is.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I raised you, I gave birth to you, fed you, housed you, cleaned you, clothed you! You are a girl as long as you stay in this household!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>All because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. All because he was honest, truly honest with someone. He nods and plays along, vowing to never trust anyone ever again.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s better now. He’s moved out of that house, away from all the stifling judgement, the choking expectations to be something he’s not. He has Shoyo, who constantly supports him. Shoyo, the rising sun in his cold, wintry life.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shoyo is pure happiness, a bundle of sunshine, and Kenma doesn't deserve happiness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shoyo would probably say something like, "Everyone deserves happiness, especially you!" in his own Shoyo way, but Kenma doesn't need empty assurance right now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He knows deep down in his bones that he's absolutely disgusting. He knows that he's undeserving of Shoyo's kindness, his warmth, his love.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But isn't it nice to hold onto nice things while they last?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s 12 AM and Kenma isn’t okay, he’s far from okay. He’s falling into an inky blackness and no one notices and no one’s there to save him and-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shoyo wraps his sleepy arms around Kenma.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whasswrong?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kenma shakes his head. He wants to speak, wants to say everything’s fine, but his throat won’t work and he’s choking on the words he wants to say.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shoyo hugs him closer, almost like the quiet assurance “I’m here”, and Kenma finally fully breaks down. He cries for his younger self, who had to constantly suppress who they really were, he cries for Shoyo’s love, of which he’s so undeserving of, but mostly, he cries for himself now, a person so tainted by sadness, someone who might never feel okay ever again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shoyo’s there the whole time, never once letting go even the slightest bit, with whispered reassurances of love. It can’t completely erase the past, perhaps, but maybe it’s enough just for now. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope you enjoyed!!</p>
<p>follow me on tumblr for random art/ reblogged stuff if u want to @monstar-dreams.tumblr.com !!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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